Pinkflamingo

To share your story is a Brave thing to do. A lot of people have called me brave and strong over the past years post my divorce.  I didn’t feel I was brave, the decisions I made were based on self-love, and maybe they were wisely selfish. And let me tell you I was utterly terrified while making them. Like they rightly say 

 “Bravery is being the only one who knows you are afraid” 

There is a lot of chatter about Divorce these days and how it’s becoming commonplace. Well, it’s a terrible emotional experience for anyone to go through. It was one of the most difficult things I did in my life, and I have done many difficult things. But let me tell you it’s not all bad and how it changed me as a person. If you treat Divorce as a life changing experience and learn and roll with it, it can help you a in many ways.

1. It makes you Stronger: – Usually when you are in an abusive or unhappy relationship, there are karmic bonds at play. And to break free from that relationship is not easy. You have to somehow clear that karma and you need great inner strength for that. If you are able to do it, you become super strong. 

To cut to the chase I came to a point where I was deeply unhappy, I had lost a major relationship in my life among other things. Well, I am a very emotional person, so maybe it affected me much more than others. But there is a lot of pain there. It has been trivialized, we want to quickly move on, up and ahead. It does not happen though; we need to heal. Even if you seem all put together on the outside after a trauma or a major incident, you know you are lying. So here I was with without work, carrying massive amount of misplaced guilt, self-doubt and absolutely zero self-esteem.

• It makes you Braver: – When you get out of a relationship despite of societal norms and general know-how, it takes an insane amount of bravery. You realize that you need to get out for your own happiness, and you must. 

It’s tough to lie in the ashes of a life you once dreamt about. But pain also shows you beautiful things about yourself. It is soul shattering, belief busting, totally transformative and very exhausting. But like the singer PINK says, she couldn’t have written the songs she writes if she was not in pain. So, it is alright to lie there and heal, trust that you need this time to fill the gaping spaces that have been left behind with self-love. So, I did what I loved most, I wrote to heal myself and heal I did and how. I decided to find everything that was keeping me from being happy, from valuing myself. Long tedious process but worthwhile. Oh yes. If this doesn’t make you brave, then I don’t know what will. 

• Your Ability to take risks: –  Nothing tests your ability to take risks like leaving a marriage.  You need the ability to go with the flow to be able to go through this. Any anxiety arises when we try to stop the flow of our life, but we cannot really change it. Things happen when they happen, good or bad, we need to learn. We cannot teach life, and id we try we get all nervous and anxious and start overthinking. 

     Then comes the day when you have to rise again to carry on fulfilling the dreams that were on hold          while you were piecing yourself back. At the time you can rise and fly, but there is a lingering doubt. We all need help however strong we are, and someone to cheer us when we do impossible things. Your friends and family are like that cheer squad, which will make you step out of your comfort zone. You will regain your confidence one hundred percent and will be running towards your dreams at full throttle in no time. 

• Clearer about what you want and what/what kind of person makes you happy: – One really important thing Divorce does for you is , it makes you so much clearer about what you want in life and more so what you do not want. You definitely would know after the tumultuous experience what makes you happy and what kind of person will make you happy. 

Here I would like to share a rather long quote/ story

“My cousin Helen, who is her 90’s now, was in the Warsaw ghetto during World War II. She and a bunch of the girls in the ghetto had to do sewing each day, And if you were found with a book, it was an automatic death penalty. She had gotten hold of a copy of “Gone with the Wind” and she would take three or four hours out of her sleeping time each night to read. And then, during the hour or so when they were sewing the next day, she would tell them all the story. These girls were risking certain death for a story. And when she told me that story herself, it actually made what I do feel more important. – Neil Gaiman

This is rather a sordid story, but I would like someone who would risk his life for me and move mountains to be with me and make it happen. But that’s just me because I have been loved like this, so I wish for it. You can have your own criteria. 

• You Realize what is important and you get hitched for the right reasons only – Like Feeling loved: – Usually the first time around you try to impress others by finding a partner that you can show off to others. Its absofuckinlutely wrong but generally its about weird material checklist. But the second time around you actually must do it for love and all things right. Like matching value systems and life goals and sure shot compatibility. That would be my advice, that don’t fuck it up the second time around. Also be patient, don’t feel pressured. After all you have already failed once brutally, what can go wrong more. Well, it can if you get desperate to settle with just about anyone and don’t take an informed decision. 

• Evade Trauma Bonds – And choose True love Bonds: – This is the most important point. Trauma bonds are really attractive to you, because they are relatable. Trauma bond is a bond you form with someone who is going through similar bad experiences in life. But they are also super toxic. Like I read somewhere that after a while toxicity stops looking like fun and peace stops looking like boredom. So, choose peaceful relationships over toxicity covered in something that looks like fun, but is actually bad for you. 

Finally get used to get judged, so get really bad ass. A lot of judgement is bound to come your way when you break the societal norms for your happiness. I highly recommend it. Break away and be really really happy. 

              Why I wrote this article is because giving people stories is not brave, it is a gift. Its Hope.