We are all looking for true love but to love someone you have to love yourself truly and completely .For the longest time I wasn’t sure if I even loved anyone. It was much later in life I realized that I didn’t love myself so it was not possible to love another. I really wondered about that and thought I was incapable of love in the true sense .I wanted to experience that feeling of all encompassing earth shattering love, which again I wasn’t sure was true love or not. I was intrigued about it for sure, after all you are as prone to love as the sun is to shine, it being one of the most delightful earthly activity available to us. Only I wasn’t and it really had to be questioned.
May be it felt different. Will it feel light or heavy? Like fluttering butterflies or I will hear violins? And frankly I didn’t see much proof around me and everyone just kept telling me that it doesn’t not exist. These two words trigger a lot of people, I use them a lot for fun now. Its like a unicorn. Well I now I may be not be able to manifest a live unicorn to show, but I decided to let myself manifest true love in my life. It was not a really practical decision to make in retrospect as it turned my life upside down and completely changed me as a person. May be I should have manifested the unicorn instead, it would have been easier.
But I did realize three wonderful things on this journey of finding true love
1) There is no true love without self love : The moment I started on this journey ,all the blocks to my self love started dissolving. I clearly started seeing them and why I couldn’t love anyone was because my heart chakra was blocked. And did it open and how, and when you open your heart all kinds of love comes pouring into your life. You make heart based decisions, and overall your life becomes better and sweeter in every sense of the way. And I am not talking about the spa going , dressing well and maintaining your figure kind of self love, though those things are also great. I am talking about total acceptance, understanding and loving your life experiences and lessons and all your mistakes and forgiving yourself always. Always treating yourself like you would want the other person to treat you.
2) You have to do what you love : The biggest lack of love comes from not following your calling whatever it is . You have to find yourself, and ask this question why were you born on this already crowded planet. Find your life purpose. If you don’t find the time to understand yourself and find what you love doing, whether you do it full time or part time, for money or not, you heart will be devoid of this feeling of contentment. Try finding love with this feeling of massive discontent in your heart, and let me know how it goes. I have done it for a decade, but I don’t want to compare notes on that. So find yourself before you venture out to find another who is also lost mostly, as like attracts like.
3) Don’t listen to other people and believe in love: So people might hurt you , let them. Believe in love, surrender to this process of finding it. Be stupid, be foolish, life is short. Do not stop believing in it for minute. Most of the people live in their own prison of beliefs and judgements, it is a sad truth. If they can’t do it, how can you? But just because they haven’t known it, does not mean it does not exist. Don’t settle. They have a saying in Hindi language which translates to that if you go searching for God, you can find him also. So go for it if you wish for it.
Anyway in this whole process of trying to find true love I found self love and when you truly love yourself, it starts flowing out of you and reaches every corner of your life. I completely understood myself and what makes me happy. I was able to change my life direction away from social norms towards happiness, fulfillment and contentment. I am giving and receiving a lot of love these days, not necessarily from one person. And I still believe in it wholeheartedly, but I am not seeking it anymore. As Rumi said “ Your task is not to seek for love. But merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” . All in all I am glad I went on this chase, and would highly recommend it. I wish you lots of love if you are going to go on this journey of love or are at any point, ahead or behind, doesn’t not matter.
‘In the end, all that really matters is love ‘ — Catie Hartsfield.